The Old Grey Goose is Dead...

A few weeks ago, I totaled my beautiful, new, fully-loaded sports car. Needless to say, I have a bit of negative equity, so I took my Pop up on his offer of a free, grey 1989 Ford F150 Extended Cab. This truck has been used to haul branches, hay, feed, tools, carcasses, and crap... Literally. It stinks, it's ugly, and it's hard as hell to drive. When I was a kid, I used to sit in his truck (a different one, obviously) and steer the wheel like a maniac. I can do this in The Grey Goose, and it keeps going straight. I've only been driving it for two days, I just turned in my rental. Anyway, I've been nervous and scared, not to mention completely embarrassed driving this monstrous beast in really bad, crazy, lane-switching, finger flicking traffic.

I mentioned to my mother this very day, "Welp, I can finally say that it cannot get any worse." Pffft. I drove my son about 10 minutes away tonight to a friend's house. On the way home, I heard a weird noise. The same exact sound a goose makes. I turned off the radio, and listened. The noise wouldn't stop so I turned up the radio to drown it out. Proceed to the stop light... The noise continues, and it has now invited a guest, SMOKE. It smelled like my AbraCURLdabra I had when I was a kid when I left it on too long. As I am remembering about my old curling iron, the steering starts lurching hard to the left.

I was afraid I would be arrested, jailed and sentenced to death for drunk driving, even though I don't drink so I tried to hurry, the truck would not accelerate. Just when I get up to about 30 mph, I apply the brakes and NOTHING happens, so I pump them and slam them to the floor. I slow down enough to turn left into my apartment complex. There is no where to park. Smoke is now choking me. I think it's choking the goose, too, because of the horrific sound it is making. I found a spot, parked, turned it off, and shut the door. The sound didn't stop!! The smoke got worse. So I got my purse, my McNasty burger and walked home. I didn't look back once. I don't hear the fire trucks, so it must be okay. And so what if it's not?